he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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