So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize