She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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