We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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