i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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