Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
