Kiss
Puke
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
