watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
