You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
