By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
