fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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