I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
