i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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