Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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