...so i touched it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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