so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
