Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
