i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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