once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
