My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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