Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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