Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
