Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
