he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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