That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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