Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you had me at cake vodka
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize