Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
