It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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