my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
