Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
