Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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