The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
