Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
