I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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