Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
