I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
