dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
