Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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