lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
