The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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