how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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