Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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