she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
