if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
