Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
