i permit you to call me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
