True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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