At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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