I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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