Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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