hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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