We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
