All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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