i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
