so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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