Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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