Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize