I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
