I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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