You're so nebulous sometimes
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
