Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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