All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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