I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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