So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
