I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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