woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
