I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
