I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
