Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
