What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
