i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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