My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
