Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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