I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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