do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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