Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
