Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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