I am in a vortex of obligation.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
