last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
