did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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