i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
