I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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