My first STD was from a foam party
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
