So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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