I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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