i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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