I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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