I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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