His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
