Only a mothe r could love this liver
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Are we still banned from the library?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wear drunk well.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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