Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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