Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
