so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
