$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
