so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
