I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
