He kissed a someone with a penis
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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