Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
