There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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