just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
