it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
