What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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