I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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