He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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