and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
