I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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