Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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