I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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