like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
