the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
